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I remember my first fire victim. It was a good fire. It charred out the
whole apartment. After its over, everyones overhauling. That means pulling
down the ceiling and walls, to find and put out any hidden fire thats left.
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Then the captain of the squad looks over at me. He says, Give them a hand
with the body. Im thinking, What the hell is he talking about? What body?
Im looking around and I dont see anything. Hes getting impatient. He says
it again. Come on! Give them a hand with the body!. I say Okay. Wheres it
at? He says, Right over there. So I look on the floor and heres this
mound of charcoal. It wasnt the body. It was the embers and all the burnt
wood and debris. The body was underneath. It turned out she was a woman,
burnt beyond recognition. Im looking at this thing. Its the first time
Ive ever been face-to-face with a body in this state. I dont know what
the hell Im supposed to do. This guy on the other end says, Okay, we got
her over here. You grab her legs . On the count of three, we get her in the
body bag. So one, two, three, I lift. Guess what happens? The leg falls
through my hands; thats how bad she was. I got her flesh in my hands, but
her leg bone itself fell down. Now we cant get her in the bag because the
leg is dragging. He says, Then grab her other leg, okay? Im doing this
and Im saying to myself, Please lord, dont let me throw up right here.
Wait until these guys get the bag out of here, and Ill get sick in the
corner. It was a sobering experience. But since that time, there is nothing
I can see that will even faze me. At fires and shootings and car wrecks,
Ive seen the human body in every conceivable form. Ive learned to leave it
at work and not take it home. For me, its always been easy. Maybe theres
something psychologically wrong with me, but I just dont carry it with me.
I didnt cause these terrible things to happen. I can only make things
better, and sometimes I cant do that. No matter how hard you try, you cant
save everyone. Death is there. Its just there. If you want to put it that
way, death is part of life.
We had a car accident my second year on the job. My first multiple fatality.
Sometime after midnight, a small Honda traveling east crashed through a center
divider and into the westbound traffic. In our city, we dont have the concrete
center divider. We have a real thick metal cable that runs lengthwise, and there
is chain-link fencing that runs along with it. It can be very unforgiving. We
call it the guillotine. And thats exactly what it turned out to be right here.
Of the four guys in this Honda, it decapitated one guy sitting in the back seat.
That wasnt our only victim. We were the first engine company on-scene, and we
had bodies strewn all over the place. On the other side of the freeway, this car
had caused a really terrible pileup. My captain got off the rig and told me,
Okay. Youre our triage guy. Which means that now Im God. I walk around and
sort through the patients. I determine which of them can be salvaged. I
determine which cant. In this case we had twelve patients, and I triaged them
all. Within about thirty seconds, maybe a minute, I determined who needed
hospital care immediately, or if they could wait, or if there was no point
in sending them at all. Thats how it is. If somebody isnt breathing then,
you gotta move on. You have eleven other people who need your help. Its a pretty
large responsibility, especially when youve only got two years on. But it you
know your job, you can handle it. These people are counting on you for their
lives. You cant say Hey, I cant deal with this. Thats not fair to them.
You signed on to help them. Thats the whole reason you wanted to be a fireman.
Now at this moment they need you more than ever. It isnt time to be young.
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